Traveling to Find Truth

Florence at night

Exactly eight years ago today, as I write this, I was on a trip of a lifetime with one of my dearest friends. We went to Italy and sashayed around Venice, Florence, and Rome like we knew what we were doing. (Well, my friend did. She’d already been there before, but this time, she took me!)

This trip was life-changing for several reasons. First, traveling abroad always expands the mind. When you shift into a new culture, with new people, language, food, and activities, you can’t help but change. You are enlightened, entertained, and utterly consumed with a new way of thinking. Old places with a new perspective will do that to a person. 

Second, this was the trip that started my minimalism quest. I’m not sure if my friend knows this today (I hope she does, and she will now!), but this trip across the Atlantic changed the way I lived life. With travel restrictions, we had to travel light and only take a small suitcase (and one carry-on). This suitcase had to be small, which meant we had to be intentional with every piece of clothing we took.

No excess, only the essentials.

I took a trip to Europe when I was 20. But what did I know at 20? Sure, I packed light, but I remember bringing a lot more than I needed. Fast forward two decades, and I can tell you, I have changed. 

Florence, 2017

This time, while in Florence, at our delightful hotel overlooking the bridges of the Arno River, I remember thinking that I was living - and living well - out of a small suitcase with only a fraction of my wardrobe. It was as perplexing as it was enlightening. Not only did I have everything I needed, but I was in love with this simple way of living. I could focus on where I was, not what I was carrying or wearing. 

No worrying over wardrobe, no excess to meddle through, no cares about impressing…just working with the basics that were exactly what I needed. Nothing less, nothing more.

So, what have I learned about minimalism since that fateful trip to Italy? Just this:

We don’t need it all:

We just don’t. We don’t need a giant closet of clothes to live well and satisfied lives. We only need to have the basics, a love for what we own, and to treat them well. A minimalist wardrobe is mix-and-matchable, which means you have a wardrobe that will always be fresh. I don’t need that extra dress, or that extra shirt, or that extra pair of shoes, when it comes to travel. They’re going to be in the way, trust me. Somewhere along the way, the media has convinced us that we need more stuff to live better lives, when it’s really the opposite.

We need to experience more rather than buy stuff:

The older I get, the less stuff I want. I want experiences rather than things piling up in my drawers and closets. I want a trip to the Alps rather than more ski wear. I want a vacation in Peru rather than gadgets and gizmos that get tucked away in a drawer. Of course, there are times when gift-y things are necessary and fun, and wanted! But on the whole, I want memories that last as long as I do, rather than stuff that will eventually erode to the elements of time. My birthday gift this year was a concert. And it was perfect.

Less is more:

I think the biggest flex about traveling to Italy with my friend and only a handful of clothing items was the creativity we got to exhibit. Only two skirts, with two pairs of pants, a dress, and four tops meant mixing and matching every bit of it. I think I brought two pairs of shoes. That was it. I brought a couple of accessories as well, and that was all I needed for the ten days we traveled through the great country of Italy. Did I need anything while I was there? Nope. Did I wish I’d brought more? Nope. In fact, I think I even brought a shirt that I tucked into a side pocket that I forgot about the entire trip. So I brought it along and didn’t even need it or realize it was missing from my wardrobe. Less is so much more, and I learned to appreciate every article of clothing I had. 

Now more than ever, I love living the minimalist way, and I have my friend, Lara, and a trip to Italy to thank for it. It changed my outlook on how to live, giving me a more refined and less wasteful approach to doing things. It also decreased the unbearable stress and unsustainable lifestyle I thought I had to have to be "normal." Normal is overrated. Instead, I appreciate what I have and use all of what I have.

Italy will always be a favorite place because of the transformative changes it created in me to become a happier person. And because of it, minimalism and its freedom filtered into all areas of my life, from home to wardrobe and finances. What a trip!

Ciao.

Want Versus Need

My husband and I recently attended a beautiful concert put on by the band Lord Huron. They're an unusual band in that they combine many different styles of music into one, like folk, pop, rock, and western, and the result is a beautiful style of music that is unique, and hauntingly, their own. They're an alternative/indie band to the utmost.

They have a song called "Nothing I Need," and it's a simple but complex song. From what I can infer, the singer is talking about losing someone he wishes he had kept in his life. He loses a girl and wishes for her back, wishes he'd known what he had, and yet the recurring chorus line is this: "I got everything I want and I got nothing that I need."

This phrase is something a lot of us feel regarding contentment and letting things go. The singer is lamenting his decision to let her go, yet continues to say this haunting phrase. He got what he wanted, but it wasn't what he needed. So, is it worth still wanting what you can't have?

As I sat in a small auditorium in Reno, listening to this musical group of geniuses creating music that took me out of my seat and into somewhere otherworldly, I thought about contentment and minimalism and wanting versus needing, and this is what I got from the song:

"I got everything I want." - This is where the key to happiness lies. There will always be missed opportunities and missed relationships. We aren't omniscient. We are free-will human beings doing the best we can with every choice we make (most of us, anyway), and that means we will choose wrongly despite our best attempts. We can't know where we'll go wrong, sometimes. This is where choosing contentment comes into play. Remind yourself how much you have, how much you have wanted, and also received, even though we all have things we want that we'll never have. Choosing to believe we have "everything we want" puts our whole life into the right perspective. One of gratitude.

Remember, but stop looking back - It's that looking back that will eat away at our heart and soul. We can't go back and change things; we can't go back and make that decision to go in the direction we wished we had gone. We can only work with what we now have. Looking back breaks the heart, and when the heart is broken, the only way to heal it is by moving forward. These two lines in the song are poignant: "I'd give up everything I've got just to have what used to be; You're the one I'll never get and you're the one thing that I need." I believe we all have a relationship (family or friends) we wish we could've had that never was to be. Instead of staying stuck in heartbreak, we have to stop looking back at what could've been and focus on what is. It hurts too much to stay in the "what if" gray area, and it does you no good. 

"And I got nothing that I need" - This line gets to me the most. It tugs at the heart to say we never got what we really needed. But, there will always be something we think we "need," and yet, need is a broad category. What do we really need? To never "have to have" something or an item in your life to feel complete is ultimate freedom, even if it pertains to relationships. This is a tenet of minimalism that most people continue to work on throughout their lives. If I can just have that big house, that car, that vacation, that person. To be content with what God gives us is the goal ... even if it's difficult to get to that mindset and we don't know the reason behind our longing for a specific thing or "need."

Yes, there will always be a loss of some sort for everyone. We all want things we weren't meant to have. But if we can remember what we do have and hold, regardless of what it is, that's a way to circumvent the loss. And by reminding ourselves of everything we have, despite a broken heart, there is a way to move on and be the whole, complete, satisfied people we were meant to be. 

I love this song for what it is. I relate to it fully. But it also reminds me that I can let go and move forward.

Enough is Enough - The Minimalist Inbox

Wading through Email like a Boss

Minimalism is a way of life for the body, in that we physically choose to remove objects from our lives to live a better, more functional one. But it's also a way of life for the mind.

What I mean is this: the clutter outside the body creates clutter inside the mind. It stresses us out. What we see around us can affect the calm or chaos of the mind. Extra "stuff" can be the decidedly contrasting difference between having an environment of calm and an environment of unrest.

Even clutter of the more invisible kind, like email, can stack up in our mailbox mind, just like a real mailbox full of letters, bills, advertisements, and junk mail.

Are you the kind of person who has an email subscription to everything? Do you get emails every hour, if not every minute, with advertisements? Do you have an inbox filled to overflowing with that little number of how many emails you haven't read, blaring at you? 

I firmly believe there are two types of people in this world: those who go through their email as they get it and those who go through their email when time opens up for them (which doesn't happen) to filter through the wave of electronic salutations. 

I have family who fast-tracks their email like they're taking out an assassin with each one. (I would be a part of this category.) And I have family who let their unread emails in their inbox reach into the thousands. I've heard of other people who have gotten their unopened emails in the tens of thousands or more.

If you're of the latter approach, well, I'm happy to say there's help for you. Now, there's nothing wrong with procrastinating at times. We can't get to all the emails, all the time, as soon as they come in. The more responsibility we have, the more email we get. It's a symbiotic relationship, unfortunately. But there are ways to fix this mess. On the whole, if you can't spend five minutes at a time a couple of times a day to clear out your inbox, something is off. 

That little number outside your mailbox app - into the hundreds or thousands - isn't a badge of honor. It's a tell-tale sign that something is amiss.

Letting your inbox get into the thousands is a little bit like hoarding. You have to take the trash out, make sure the inconsequential is deleted, and get the unnecessary obliterated. To get back to the simple life you once knew, you have to learn to say no to chaos and say yes to peace. If you can get your email in order, I can guarantee this will lead to a more organized, simplified home life. They work together.

Remember, an organized mind equals an organized physical life.

Here's how to deal with email right now to declutter your mind, which will open up time to declutter your home and work life.

1. Unsubscribing is your friend: Seriously. It was all fun and games subscribing to your favorite clothing stores until they started attacking you with daily emails. Forget about the emails to stay on top of trends (as a minimalist, trendy shouldn't be in your vocabulary anyway). Start with a few companies a day, and get super handy at pushing the unsubscribe button! If you do this daily for a couple of weeks, your inbox will be less full. I promise you. I've done this, it works, and it feels so good to have a tidy inbox.

2. Stop subscribing: So you need to unsubscribe from that pet supply store, that hardware giant, as well as your favorite treat shop that creates these ridiculously delicious cookies. But you also need to stop subscribing to these places in the first place. You don't need an account to every restaurant you eat at. You don't need sales updates to your favorite clothing shop. (Just because it's on sale, doesn't mean you need it - that's a phrase you should add to your vocabulary.) Say no to giving your email address when a cashier asks for it. Stop subscribing!

3. Look, decide, follow up: If you've got thousands of emails to weed through, start small. Take 25 emails a day, or a page a day, and begin to delete or unsubscribe, or file each one. Victory in the email race is always gained through the small steps, not the finish line. Only you know what you should keep or delete. Another way to combat the email is to combine all of your email addresses - meaning, put a forward on all your email addresses to only one. When you only have to go to one place to retrieve your email, you've already mentally gained time and emotional energy to filter through your daily mail.

I remember a few years ago, I was working three jobs, and along with my two private emails, I had something like five different email accounts. The flood of emails was insane, and trying to navigate through all of them separately was like herding cats. Impossible. So, I set up the email to go to one box. It made a huge difference. Less is more.

Look at the email, decide if you need to respond or it can be deleted, and then come back around to the saved emails after going through 25 (or a page) at a time. A page of deleted inbox messages a day is 365 pages deleted in a year (assuming you're deleting new ones coming in, too). That's about 9,000 emails a year! Imagine if you did two pages a day.

A clean and orderly inbox says you're organized, in charge of your life, and moving forward with each new email, making a concerted decision on what you want to do with it.

Enough is enough. How about you? Ready to clear some mental piles of trash and garbage in your mind? Start with your inbox and watch your world instantly feel orderly, clean, and simple, all with the click of a button.

Faith Over Fear

Estate sales are not for the faint of heart.

I tell you this as a professional vintage clothing reseller who still sources vintage clothing from estate sales, garage sales, and thrift stores. Even after doing this part-time for the last fifteen years, I am still overwhelmed at the sheer amount of stuff people collect and then attempt to keep their homes functioning. 

The last estate sale I went to was a small house. Probably 1200 square feet. But every closet and every cabinet was filled to overflowing with excess. The garage had racks of shelves of stuff.

The woman who lived here may have been on a fixed income, maybe not. She may have used coupons to get free items because every single cupboard - every one - was filled with duplicates to the max. But maybe not. I didn't know.

What I did know was that the mouthwash, dish soap, and carpet cleaner (and the like) were not only in the cupboards in multiples of ten in the kitchen, but were in multiples of ten in the spare bedroom, the bathroom, the primary bedroom, and the garage.

As I perused the home, all I could think was, So when did her fear overtake her? 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to make every dollar stretch. It's honorable, and I wish more people were better stewards of their finances. It's amazing what one can do when their budget matches their income. But this was beyond making sure her needs were met. With every closet I looked in, it appeared that her fear of not having enough had thoroughly infiltrated her heart and soul. 

She may have gone to a nursing home or an assisted living facility, or perhaps she passed away. I didn't know the particulars, but this is what I noted: She can't use any of what she accumulated where she's at now, whether dead or alive. 

At this estate sale, her hoarded collections of household products had given way to other people looking at her supplies and buying them for pennies on the dollar. Or like me, wondering why she had to have so many of the same items.

I hadn't even met this woman, and I felt horrible for her. And yet, was she so very different from me? It was a reminder that fear can be a strong deterrent in living a faithful life, and it's not difficult to see how this can happen to anyone, including myself. 

Remember the toilet paper run of the recent pandemic? It doesn't take much for people to become afraid and belong to the "scarcity mentality" that panicked most people into overbuying an innocent household staple. 

So, how do we make sure we have what we need, but not to the point of overconsuming? How do we remain minimalists with enough in case of emergencies? These are some basic ground rules I use in my home to ensure I have enough but not too much.

Six months' worth of nonperishables. If I want to stock up on something, like mouthwash, I will buy no more than six months' worth to hold at any time. At the very max. Usually, I buy in bulk, which covers two to three months. And that works well. But if I had the opportunity to buy more, six months' worth is as far as I'll go. Even with a catastrophic event, six months is a long enough time to recover from any issue (including halitosis), and I'm pretty sure the world will be running semi-normally again by that time, no matter how bad things got.

One year's worth of perishables. This sounds like a lot, but it really isn't. If I use a jar of peanut butter every two months, then I'd make sure I have no more than six jars in the pantry at any given time. A year is a long time to get things back in order, and having a little stockpile to secure my emotions until then is a justifiable amount. As it is, I don't even have that much now. At most, it's six months' worth, and probably more like four.

Faith over Fear. I refuse to live in fear. Yes, it's wise to have food and supplies in a small stockpile for future emergencies; it's wise to prepare. But where's the joy in living the rest of our lives? There is zero joy in fear, only more fear to contend with. To live an active life worthy of our calling, we have to prepare, but not to the point of hoarding. When I let that go - the desire to have more than I need - and surrender it, that's when my faith is activated.

As the Boy Scouts say, "Be prepared." But being overprepared does no one any good if you're not there to use that preparation. Faith over fear is a challenge I deal with daily because it's easy to be afraid of everything. One look at the news and my anxiety heightens tenfold (which is why I watch the  news as little as possible.)

But if I live a surrendered life, I'll never live in want and always have more than enough. And with a little planning and a lot of faith, surrendering my fear of not having enough will lead to a life that can be both fully prepared and fully enjoyed.

 A life that is full of having what I need and having enough to bless others.

Effort Over Comfort

Making your dream come true requires work but it also requires quieting the distractions.

The other day, I saw this post on social media that said, "One day, you'll realize that your dream died because you chose comfort over effort."

And I couldn't help but think, "This applies to me 10000%."

Want to know the best way to get to that dream and not let it die? Get rid of everything that distracts you. 

This is essentially the basic tenet of minimalism anyway. If it's non-essential, if it's unused, if it's clogging up your life, and most importantly, if it's keeping you from doing the thing you're supposed to be doing, then you have to get rid of it.

When I chose to embrace minimalism, it kicked me into minimalism in all, and I mean all, areas of my life. From home, and all that encompasses, to my kids' lives, my life, and work.

When I got rid of things that weren't pertinent or essential, focused on what I loved, and intentionally chose the activities to do and the things in my home, my life changed. I was free to pursue my dream. 

When I made minimal everything around me,  the clouds parted giving the sun a chance to shine on the things that truly meant something.

It was like pointing a giant magnifying glass at my dream and saying, "Here! This is what you need to do."

In other words, the comfort factor of obtaining stuff and doing dreamless activities disappeared when I let go of "stuff" (or work and things I didn't need to do) and made my life as authentically me as possible.

I'm working on a middle-grade work of fiction that I began twenty, yes twenty, years ago. I rewrote it twice and shelved it twice. Now, I've written many other things (and a book), including several other books that may or may not ever see the light of day. 

But this one book concept -this dream of an idea makes me wake up every day now and say "I have, have, have to write this before I die!" The dream came back to life.

Why? Because I've omitted the unnecessary parts of my life (the overstuffed house, jobs I didn't love, social media wasting my time) to focus on the necessary parts. I have to write this book.

Comfort over effort (maximalism consumerism and distraction) or effort of comfort (minimalist gratitude and focus)?

It's up to us to choose what we want every day, otherwise this world will decide for us.

What have you put on the back burner because you've insisted on comfort? The dream is still there. As long as you're alive, it's never too late to change and redirect your life to complete that dream.